No ordinary Wife Swap
by IvoryKeys001
Summary: Emmett and Alice decide to put the Cullen's on Wife Swap! What could go wrong? After Breaking dawn, Nessie and Jake included.
1. Let's do it!

**A/N: Okay, so I really wanted to write this, because I love wife swap stories! Lol! So I hope you guys like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap. I only own:  
Leanne Marsh  
Kevin Marsh  
Emily Marsh  
Tommy Marsh  
Casey Marsh  
Jack Marsh  
Derek Marsh  
Coach Halloway  
Jeff  
Amanda  
:)**

* * *

**Alice POV  
**I sighed as I leant into the chest of the love of my life Jasper Hale. We hadn't been able to have much time to just be alone lately, what with Renesmee, and the pack and everybody. Renesmee was physically ten years old now, and had just celebrated her second birthday. Her growth was slowing down though now, and was at almost the same speed of a human child. After two years of having her and the wolves around, I had been able to see them in my visions, and the wolf smell didn't even bother us anymore!  
Anyway, I was just relishing in being able to be close to Jasper. He put his hand in my short hair and started smoothening it. I closed my eyes and fell into a state of blissfulness, when a vision flooded my mind.  
_Vision:  
Emmett was sitting in front of the door.  
"Come on! Come on! Where is the damn thing?"  
Suddenly the doorbell rung, and Emmett jumped up in vampire speed, opening the door to reveal a middle aged man who looked thoroughly miserable.  
"You Carlisle Cullen?" Emmett grinned the grin he reserved for his stupid plans.  
"Yes!" he said in a good imitation of Carlisle.  
"Great, now sign here please?"  
Emmett signed quickly grabbing the thick envelope and shutting the door before the man could say another thing. The envelope had a big logo on the top...  
End vision:  
_I gasped jumping up from a startled Jasper. I placed a quick kiss on his lips.  
"Explain later honey!" I ran off.  
"Okay then? I'm gonna go for a quick hunt! See you later darlin!"  
"Mmkay!" I mumbled as I heard the door slam.  
Emmett, Jassy, and I were the only people at the house. Esme, Carlisle and Rose were hunting, Jacob was on patrol with the pack, and Edward, Bella and Renesmee were having some family time out.  
"Emmett!" I screeched bursting into Carlisle's study where Emmett was hunched over the computer. "You signed us up for WIFE SWAP?!"  
He frowned.  
"Well not yet! I'm printing the forms now!" He mumbled under his breath the rest. "Damn you all-seeing pixie!"  
"Emmett, we could get exposed!"  
"Aw come on Al! We've never been exposed before! Trust me! I'm a smart dude!"  
I raised my eyebrows.  
"What? So I'm no academically smart! I'm street smart! Haha!" I rolled my eyes then perked up.  
"Fine! Why not? Let's do it! It'll be fun!" he grinned at me.  
"So do we need a video?" I asked.  
"Nope! Done it!"  
"Great! Then print those forms and let's go!"  
The forms were printed and Emmett grabbed a pen to fill them out.  
**BASIC INFORMATION**

**Father's name: **_Carlisle Cullen_**  
Occupation:** _Surgeon at Forks Hospital  
_**Age:**

"Alice what should I put?"  
"Put thirty six, and thirty four for Esme."  
Emmett nodded.

**Age:**_ 36 years_ _old  
_  
**Mother's name:** _Esme Cullen_  
**Occupation: **_Stay at home mom_  
**Age: **_34 years old_

**CHILDREN  
Number of children:** _Seven_

"What about Jacob?" I ask him. He shrugs.  
"Eh, he's a family friend!"  
"Yeah, but it will make his and Nessie's bond seem more normal if you put him as our sibling!"  
"Fine! Wait, how old is the dog?"  
"He's sixteen really, because he stopped aging once he phased, but if we're going by birthdays and all that crap, he was eighteen seven months and twelve days ago."  
"How the hell do you know this stuff?" He sighs. "Stalker!" he mumbles.  
I sigh and motion for him to continue.

**Number of children:** _Eight_

**Children's name and age (age order):  
**_Emmett Cullen-18 years old  
Jacob Black-18 years old  
Rosalie Hale-18 years old  
Jasper Hale-18 years old  
Edward Cullen-17 years old  
Bella Cullen-17 years old  
Alice Cullen-17 years old  
Renesmee Cullen-10 years old_

**ADDITIONAL INFORMATION  
Have any of your family ever committed a felony or been in prison:**

Emmett laughs and looks at me pointedly.  
"Well unless you count having to be dragged out of Bloomingdales by security a felony, then no!"  
"Hey!" I cry in outrage. "What about when you hotwired a motorcycle?"  
"On yeah!" he grins. "Gooood day!"  
"Just put no!"  
"Okay okay! Geez crazy pixie!"

**Have any of your family ever committed a crime or been in prison:** _No  
_**Dietary requirements:**

"Ha!" Emmett snickers. "They'd have a field day with that one!" I scowled at him.  
"I am regretting saying yes to this plan!" I snapped. "Just put no and carry on or I will tear you limb from limb!"  
Emmett looked at me in fear and scrambled to write it down.

**Dietary requirements:**_ None, we are perfectly normal in our diets and will not protest to any foods._

"Oh god Emmett! Now we sound fat!"  
"No we don't! We sound like people who appreciate good food! Anyway! If they look at our video they'll know we're not fat! Hehe!"

**Additional information: **_All of our children were adopted at a young age. Jasper and Rosalie are the only one's related, they are twins._

**BY SIGNING THIS YOU ARE AGREEING TO APPEAR ON WIFE SWAP IF YOU ARE PICKED AND ARE NOT OBJECTING TO BEING ON NATIONAL TELEVISION- **_Carlisle Cullen _

"Done! Come on! Let's get it in the mail before the family get back!" I said to him as we rush downstairs.  
"Yeah! Ooh! And don't think about this with Eddie around!"  
I nod as we put the letter in the mail. I sigh.  
What have we gotten ourselves into?

* * *

**A/N: Done! I know the form probably isn't accurate but I hope you enjoyed it anyway! And I made that up about when Jacob's birthday is, although he would be eighteen. I'll try and update soon!**  
**Lexie x**


	2. You did what now?

**A/N: Chapter 2! Yay! I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap. I only own the people named in the last chapter!**

* * *

**Edward POV**

The last week had been blissful, yet infuriating. Bella and I were able to spend some quality time with Nessie without Jacob in the way. Although he'd become a good friend of mine, I still didn't like the fact he thought he owned my baby girl. The worst part was though, Renesmee was starting to get a crush on Jacob, much to my dismay. I knew it was only a crush and didn't mean anything, but it still made me sad that my baby was growing so fast. If we were humans then she'd be toddling about right now barely speaking, but we weren't humans, and she was physically ten years old. Another infuriating thing was Alice and Emmett blocking me! Alice would sing Nicki Minaj on repeat. She'd heard it on the IPod we had bought Nessie for her birthday, and knew I despised that retched woman. Emmett was reciting the National Anthem in every possible language and accent. I'm all for patriotism but come on! Just as I was thinking this, I heard Emmett's booming voice.  
"Guys! Come down! Quickly!"  
I headed down and quickly headed over to my wife and daughter. Renesmee was cuddled into Bella's side as Bella ran a hand through her soft bronze curls.  
"Hey daddy," she smiled at me with her warm brown eyes and angel-like voice.  
"Hi angel," I kissed the top of her head and settled next to Bella on the brown couch.  
Esme and Carlisle walk in next with a confused Jasper and bored Rosalie.  
_Edward? What is my idiot husband up too?  
_"Sorry Rose, they're blocking me!"  
_They? Alice too?  
_"Yes Jasper, they usually refers to two people!" He scowls at me and I smirk back.  
Suddenly the front door bursts open and Jacob saunters in.  
"What's up old people?" We all roll our eyes at him and Bella and Renesmee raise their eyebrows.  
"Not you Bells! You're only twenty! And definitely not you Ness! You're still a toddler! Or you should be!"  
Renesmee jumps of the couch into Jacob's arms.  
"Shut up Jakey!"  
"You know you love me really,"  
_Yup! More then you think!  
"_Ness!" I warn.  
_Stupid mind reading dad! Yes, I know you're listening! Grrr!  
_"Mommy can you block me from daddy?" she says sweetly.  
"Course honey!" Bella laughs. Traitor...  
Emmett and Alice come through from the kitchen then.  
"Ech hem!" Emmett calls clapping. "We have news!" He stops blocking his mind. Oh god, He didn't.  
I growl as Emmett and Alice exchange a knowing smirk.  
"Read the letter out loud Al!"  
"My pleasure Emmy!"  
She unfolds a white piece of paper and starts to read from it.  
"Dear Mr Cullen! We found your video very amusing and interesting and you definitely stood out! You and your family have been chosen to participate in Wife Swap episode 516 date 26th November! Your wife Esme will leave for Portland in six days. She will have to put together a list of house rules. Sincerely, Jeff Holden Wife Swap producer."  
Everyone was silent...for a second.  
"Emmett, please tell me you didn't or I will divorce your sorry ass..."  
"You impersonated me?"  
"I can't leave for two weeks!"  
"Alice how could you? You know it's gonna be hard for me with a human!"  
"How can you be so stupid and reckless?"  
"Oh my god! The Volturi will kill us!"  
"Mommy daddy! It sounds fun!"  
"Hell yeah! This is awesome! Can I be part of the family too?"  
"STOP!" Alice screams. "We will answer all the questions now!" She turned to us all.  
"Yes Rose, Emmett did do it!" Rose glared at him who cowered.  
"Carlisle, _Emmett _impersonated you! I just helped with family details!" Carlisle rubs his head sighing.  
"Esme, sorry about that! Just try not to kill anybody haha!" Esme gaped in shock while Alice smiled innocently.  
"Sorry Jassy, but I have faith in you! You should have faith in yourself too!" This made Jasper smile slightly.  
"Shut up Edward and let us live a little! God!" I scowl at her.  
"Bella! I don't think the Volturi watch Wife Swap every Thursday night! Hell they probably don't even know what a T.V is!" Bella giggles a bit.  
She lets down her shield and I see a snap of Aro debating who should be voted off Big Brother. I chuckle, but Alice isn't done.  
"Renesmee! Yes it does sound fun! How you ended up so awesome with such boring parents is a mystery!" Bella and I growl at her. We are NOT boring!  
"And Jacob! Yes, we put you down as our adopted brother okay?" he smiles in relief.  
"Now, that's all cleared up, Emmett run!"  
The two of them zoom out and we all shake our heads.  
"Let's do it!" Carlisle suggests.  
"Why not?"  
"Fine!"  
"I guess I can control myself!"  
"I'll do it but I'll miss you all!"  
"I'll do it!"  
"Me too!"  
"Yay!"  
"Yes!"

* * *

**A/N: Yeah! Boring chapter! The next one will be better, I promise!**  
**Lexie x**


	3. The Marshs and the video

**A/N: Hi! So here you get to have a look into the lives of the other family! Yay!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Wife Swap. I only own:  
Leanne Marsh  
Kevin Marsh  
Emily Marsh  
Tommy Marsh  
Casey Marsh  
Jack Marsh  
Derek Marsh  
Coach Halloway  
Jeff  
Amanda  
:)**

**Leanne POV  
**I walked through the front door of our two-storey home.  
"Kids? Kevin?" I called looking around for my family.  
"MOMMY!" My five year old Casey slammed into my knees, I yanked her up.  
"Casey!" I scolded. "Why on earth are you behaving like an animal? And why do you have jam on your dress? That is your church dress!"  
She hung her head in shame. We Marsh's were firm Christians, and had been to church that morning, before I had gone to get food.  
"I told you to get out of that the minute you got home!"  
Sorry mommy!" she mumbled as I put her down. "But daddy said that we could play while he worked, so Jack and Derek and I were painting with jam!" She giggled.  
I sighed and shook my head. at the thought of my nine year old twin boys. They were going through a troublesome phase, and tried to keep causing mayhem.  
"Where is your father?" I asked.  
"In his study!"  
"Okay, well you go get changed, and make sure your brother's get changed." She nodded and ran off.  
That girl was such a handful! My daughter Emily was never that bad as a young child! She would obey my rules and didn't run around like a wild child. I always thought she was perfect, until last week.  
_Flashback  
"Emily! It's your turn to do laundry!" I burst into Emily's room, but it was empty.  
Oh that's right, she was doing an algebra course at school. I saw a yellow notebook thrown on the bed, and my curiosity got the better of me. I opened it cautiously and read the entry for the day.  
**Dear diary, **  
**mom thinks I'm going to an algebra course, they don't even exist! How can I tell her that I'm going to see my boyfriend? She's so strict! I have to hide all my normal clothes in boxes in my closet! And I have to have them stuffed in a bag so that I can change out of the crappy clothes mom buys! I so hope she gets this Wife Swap thing she's going on about! Two weeks without her! I love her and all but I wish she would back off!**  
**Emily**  
I couldn't believe it! Emily was my good child! I went to her closet and pulled out three boxes. The clothes in there were despicable! Tight tops that show the stomach! Strapless tight dresses! Shorts! I put all the boxes away and ran out of the room. I wouldn't tell her I knew.  
End flashback  
_I hadn't told her, but I had canceled her "algebra courses", saying her maths was a lot better. I thought back to the news at present. I had gotten a big envelope this morning from Wife Swap, but I didn't want to open it without Kevin.  
"Kevin dear?" I said. My husband jumped up from his computer and kissed my cheek.  
We'd been married nineteen years, since I was eighteen. At first I felt I committed a sin by marrying so young, but I loved Kevin with all my heart. We had five children. Tommy who was seventeen, Emily who was fifteen, Jack and Derek who were nine, and Casey who was five.  
"Hi honey! What's that?" he pointed to the envelope.  
"It-it's from Wife Swap!" He smiled, his eyes glinting, I wondered why he pushed me so much to apply.  
"Should we open it?" he asked me. I nodded and he read the letter.  
"We got in!" he said happily hugging me. I hugged him back. "Let's tell the kids!"  
"Kids!" I cried as we walked into the living room. "Come in! We have news!"  
"Aw please don't tell me you're having another kid!" Tommy whined.  
"Thomas! Don't be rude! Anyway, as I was saying, we have been accepted on Wife Swap!"  
"Wow really?"  
"Cool!"  
Those were the reactions of my oldest children.  
"I'll miss you mommy!" Casey whispered cuddling up to me.  
"Us too mommy!" Derek and Jack said in unison.  
"I'll miss you all too! But you must promise to behave for the new mother, and just because I am not there does not mean you bunk off of prayers!"  
They all nodded.  
"Good, now I will make us some beef stew for dinner, you have one hour!"  
They all walked off to do their own things and I walked into the kitchen, contemplating what would happen in the next two weeks.

* * *

**Emmett POV  
**"Aw come on Rose!" I'm sorry!" It had been three days since we'd got the Wife Swap letter, and Rose was ignoring me. "I've missed you!" I pouted sliding my arms around her waist. She scoffed.  
"Yeah right you dumbass! You missed sex!" I smirked.  
"Yeah that too! But you know I love you! And I really do miss you!" She sighed.  
"Fine I forgive you! But if you EVER pull a stunt like that again, I will tear off your manhood and burn it to ash! Got it?"  
I widened my eyes in fear and nodded trembling.  
"Y-yes Rose!" she smiled and leaned in to kiss me.  
"Oh and Emmett?" she says. "We are going to have to pretend to not be together in front of the new mom, so know sex for two weeks!"  
"NOOOOOO!" I shout dropping to the floor. "What have I done!" I bang the floor, how could I be so stupid?!  
"Emmett!" Damn! Can't a guy have some peace?"  
We walked to the living room where they had shouted me from. The whole family were gathered there. Bella was sitting beside Edward and Renesmee was in his lap, Jacob was standing protectively over her. Alice and Jasper were cuddled up and Esme and Carlise were sitting in the two armchairs. Rose settled down on one of the loveseats.  
"Emmett, we want to watch the video!" Alice squealed. Damn! If I weren't a vampire I'd be deaf by now with her around.  
Edward chuckled and I smirked.  
_Stay out of my head Eddie-boy!  
_I threw in a visual of Rosalie and I making out to which he growled at me and turned away.  
"What video?" I asked.  
"The Wife Swap one!" Esme said smiling slightly. She had gotten used to the idea, and hoped the new family had a young child.  
"Oh! Right!" I ran out of the room in vampire speed and returned setting the T.V up. Carlisle threw me the remote.  
I hit play grinning.  
_A picture of the Cullen mansion comes into view.  
__"Hello! My name is Carlisle Cullen!" a voice off screen said._

"That sounds nothing like me!" Carlisle protested. I snorted. "Okay it sounds very accurate!" he admits frowning.  
I roll my eyes and we turn our attentions back to the video.

_"I am a surgeon at Forks hospital and I am 37 years old!" A picture shows of Carlisle in scrubs.  
"My wife Esme and I have been married for fifteen years! Oh look! Here she is now!" The video shows Esme gardening outside, with a giggling Renesmee watching.  
"She is a lovely, beautiful woman and I can not believe how lucky I am to have met her!"  
"We have eight adopted children. Four girls and four boys. Emmett is our oldest, he is eighteen. His parents could not care for him when he was young, so we adopted him aged eight." The video shows Emmett lifting weights. He grins at the camera._

"Who did you get to video that bit?" Bella asks me.  
"Oh I already had it." Everyone stares at me in confusion.  
"What? I look hot!"

_"Our second oldest is Jacob. He is also eighteen. He has only been with us for five years, but loves everyone dearly, especially Renesmee." The video shows Jacob playing chess with Renesmee. "Jacob's parents died, and Jacob still has a couple of issues about it, making him quite angry sometimes."_

"I do not have anger issues!" Jacob whined. "I'm a werewolf which makes me more stressful!" He folds his arms and sulks.

_"Our next children are Jasper and Rosalie, they too are eighteen and are twin siblings. They had been in foster care their entire lives until we adopted them when they were nine. As a result of this, it takes a while for Rosalie to warm up to people, but she is a great person once she lets you in. And Jasper has emotional issues which he is working through. He is also a bit unstable but a generally lovely person." The video shows Rose working on a car, and Jasper reading a civil war book._

"Aw thank you baby!" Rose says kissing me.  
"It's true!" I smile at her. "You're beautiful, inside and out."  
"I do NOT have emotional issues!" Jasper cries ruining the moment."And I am NOT unstable!"  
"You can get a million issues at once! Is that stable? I think not!"  
He scowls at me and I grin triumphantly.

_"Our next oldest child is Edward. We adopted him when he was five, so we think of him as our first born in many ways. His parents both died of a disease, and Edward spent three months in hospital battling the same disease. He can be a bit moody and snappy, but is a warm friendly guy who is a great role model to his brothers and sisters." The clip is of Edward playing the piano concentrating deeply._

"Thanks bro, love you too,"Edward grins. I cough embarrassed.  
"Hey, don't get all sappy on me Eddie boy! But uh, yeah, love you too..." I mumble to which he grins again.

_"Next is Bella. She too is seventeen. She came to us around the same time as Jacob and has a close bond with Edward and Renesmee. Her parents gave her up for adoption when she was seven and she spent five years in foster care until we adopted her. As a result of this, she is a bit shy and self conscious, but has a great personality that makes us all smile."_

"That was actually pretty nice! Thanks Em!"  
"No problem Bells! Anything for my favourite little sister!"  
"HEY!" Alice screams. I roll my eyes.  
"Al, everyone knows that Edward is your favourite brother and you're his favourite sister! And the same for Jas and Rose! So Bella is my favourite!" I say logically.  
"Oh my god!" Bella gasps. "That was SMART!" I scowl.  
"I take it back! Alice you're my favourite!"

_"My next child is Alice. She has been with is since she was seven and she is seventeen. She is a bit hyperactive, and loves shopping. Her mother committed suicide when Alice was young, and her father had been in and out of jail on a number of occasions. She acts very childish at times, but has a good heart...and a lot of credit cards."_

_"The baby of our family is Renesmee or Nessie. She is ten years old and has been with us all her life as her mother and father were too young to care for her. She is bubbly, happy and a very beautiful young girl. She has formed a close bond with Edward, Bella and Jacob, and relies on them a lot, as well as myself and Esme. She knows she is adopted, but thinks of us fully as her parents." The clip shows Renesmee squealing as Edward gives her a piggyback ride and Bella laughs by them.  
"I hope you consider us for your wonderful show, as we think our family has a lot to offer. Thank you."_

"Well that was actually pretty nice!" Carlisle approves.  
"Thanks! Now Rose and I need to go...now!" I scoop her up and run upstairs.  
"Uh...Nessie how bout we go hunting?" I hear Jacob say.  
"Okay Jakey, why?"  
"Cuz it'll be fun! Now come on!"  
I chuckle and kiss Rose softly.  
"Better make the most of it! Twp weeks off remember?"  
I groan. Why did I do it?

* * *

**A/N: I hope you liked it! The other family are quite strict aren't they? Did you guys like the Emmett bit? It was fun to write! Next chapter will be the swap.**

**Lexie x**


	4. A little more info

**A/N: So here's chapter 4, this is the big switch!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or Wife Swap. All I have is a bald dog.**

**Esme POV  
**It was the day I was due to leave. All the packing was done, courtesy of Alice who had seen it would be cold and cloudy for the two weeks I would be in Portland. I hoped the family had a young child. I loved children, and Renesmee was only young for a short time. It was sad in a way, that she grew so quick, and I felt sorry for Edward and Bella because she has grown so much, but at the same time, her fast growth just showed how incredibly wonderful and unique she really was.  
"I feel exactly the same way,"  
I spin around to see Edward leaning against the doorframe of the living room I was in.  
"Oh! Edward, I didn't realise you were there."  
I would miss all of my children, but especially Edward. Even though he was older than me, I thought of him as my firstborn, and I loved him as much as the son I had lost. It had hurt me so much when he left when he first met Bella.  
"I'm sorry for any suffering I caused you. I will miss you too mom." My dead heart swelled with pride as it always did when any of my children called me mom.  
_It's alright Edward dear, and everything turned out alright. There were a few bumps in the road, but you have Bella and Renesmee now and you all have brought so much joy into our lives._  
Edward smiled brightly.  
"Thank you Esme."  
Suddenly the room filled with the whole family.  
"Esme, you will be leaving in 10 minutes and 57 seconds!" Alice chirped.  
I chuckled at my eccentric hyper daughter. I hugged each member of the family, even Leah, Seth and Jacob who had come to see us off. They didn't stink as bad anymore. Edward chuckled.  
"Tell Rose that!" he smirked. Rose raised an eyebrow.  
"Tell Rose what?" she demanded folding her arms and giving Edward the death stare we knew was reserved for pain.  
He looked at me terrified. I raise my hands and laugh.  
"Sorry Edward, you're on your own! You should know not to get Rose angry!"  
She stalks closer to him, an evil look in her eye. It seemed I was leaving at the right time. Renesmee jumps out of Jacob's arms and lands gracefully on the floor beside me. She snuggles into my side and puts a hand on my face, showing me a picture. I laugh lightly.  
"What?" Bella asks curiously.  
"Renesmee was just showing me what she'd do if the new mom flirted with Carlisle."  
"What was that dear?" Carlisle chuckles.  
"Don't worry grandpa! Nothing bad! Just paint in her shampoo!"  
"Yeah!" Emmett says high fiving her. "I've taught you well little buddy!"  
"Yep! You have Uncle Emmett!" she smiles sweetly.  
"Oh! I've thought of something!"  
"Oh right, we didn't think of that!" Edward grimaces.  
"What?" Jasper asks, getting exasperated.  
"Esme was thinking that we should get contacts so she doesn't realise our eyes are all the same."  
"Come on!" Emmett scoffs. "Nobody ever notices our eyes!"  
"I did!" Bella admits. "And I only saw you from afar. This person is going to be living here, we don't want to take any chances!"  
"Good point Esme, Bella. Should we all get contacts?" Rose mused.  
"I was thinking Alice and Edward green, Jasper blue and Emmett blue, Rose violet and Bella brown." I said.  
"Okay, we'll run to the store after you leave." Alice says, excited at any form of shopping.  
"Is Renesmee going to go to school for the two weeks?" I ask Edward and Bella. Renesmee looks at them hopefully.  
"Well her growth is slowing down," Bella explains. "And we were thinking about starting her for good, so we're going to treat these two weeks as a trial period."  
Renesmee squeals and hugs them both.  
"Thank you mommy! Thank you daddy! I love you!"  
"We love you too angel," Edward chuckles.  
All of us smile at this heart-warming family moment, feeling a little intrusive.  
"""We better go dear," my husband said. I sighed sadly and nodded. He picked up my bags.  
"Okay, Jasper, don't control her emotions, Edward try to stay out of her head, and Renesmee don't show her any of your thoughts."  
"Don't worry grandma!" Renesmee chirps. "You can trust me! And I'll make sure daddy and Uncle Jasper behave." she looks at them pointedly.  
"Hey!" Jasper raises his hands in defence. "I'll behave! I don't need a two year old babysitter!"  
"I'm ten!" Renesmee says indignantly.  
"You're two Ness!" Jasper sticks his tongue out at her, which she copies.  
"Well unlike these two, I can't turn off my power, but I will try my hardest to tune her out." I smile at him gratefully.  
Carlisle and I step out of the mansion.  
"Goodbye everyone!" I called. "I'll miss you all!" Carlisle speedily put my bags in his black Mercedes and we went off.

* * *

**Leanne POV  
**It was the day of the switch and I was alone as I usually was on a Saturday. I'd picked my outfit. A crisp white blouse, black jacket and black pants. My hair was in an elegant updo.  
Tommy and Emily were at the football game. Tommy was playing, and Emily was a cheerleader. Tommy was in every sports team at that school, and still managed to fit in playing piano at the church.  
I'd had reservations about Emily becoming a cheerleader. Flaunting herself in front of all those boys. I'd been keeping a close eye on her. The clothes I bought her were _not _frumpy! What on earth was wrong with polo necks jumpers, and t-shirts and jeans!  
Casey was at her ballet class. Usually I picked her up, but Kevin said he would because I was packing.  
Kevin had taken the twins to see their friend Andrew Hopkins, as they did every Saturday. I didn't like my boys hanging around him. His family never went to church, and he was very naughty. On top of that, his mother Kylie was the town slut! And she was married! She was twenty seven. She walked around the neighbourhood dressed in very innapropriate clothes that showed her breasts(which I suspected weren't real)! Her hair was obviously fake, it was so blonde it was white. The only natural thing about her was her skin, she didn't spray tan, she was pale.  
I hated the woman and banned my boys from going to her house, but Kevin twisted my arm. He always took the boys so I wouldn't have to deal with her, and then he would go to the bar with his friends for an hour, pick up the boys then come home.  
The door swung open. Tommy and Emily entered. They had taken Tommy's car to the game. Emily mumbled a quick hello and trudged upstairs. Hmm, I'd have to look through her diary when I got back. I'd been looking through it all week, and had learnt a lot about Emily. None of it good. I kept planning to confront her about her secret boyfriend, but there was never a good time.  
"Hey mom! We won! We're in the state finals!" he sounded so excited.  
"Brilliant!" To be perfectly honest, I didn't care. "Oh! Thomas!" he scowled at the use of his real name. "You're in your muddy football gear! Go change!"  
He rolled his eyes and sprinted upstairs. Kevin, Derek, Jack and Casey appeared next.  
"Mommy!" Casey screeched, hugging my legs.  
"Casey! Indoor voice!" I scolded.  
"Sorry mommy!" she whimpered. "Guess what mommy? Mrs De la Rosa cast me as the fairy for the recital! She's the only character who gets a solo!"  
"I'm sure you deserved it!" I assured her.  
"She did!" Kevin said proudly. "I saw the last five minutes! She's a star!" Casey blushed and ran upstairs.  
"Hi mom!" Jack and Derek spoke in unison.  
"Jackson! Frederick! You are two people! Not one!" They two scowled at their despised given names.  
"Sorry mom," Jack mumbled.  
"Yeah sorry!" Derek mumbled as well.  
"It's yes Derek, not yeah!" He rolled his eyes.  
"Come on Der!" Jack said pulling him upstairs.  
"So how was it?"  
"What?" Kevin asked terrified.  
"You know, the drinks with your friends!" He relaxed.  
"Oh! Right, um, yes! They-they were fine!" He seemed flustered. He always did on Saturdays. "Are you packed?" he asked dropping the subject.  
"Yes, I'm ready!"  
"Oh! Should I drive you?"  
"No!" I scoffed. "I am an independent woman, capable of driving myself to the airport!" He smiled slightly.  
"Kids?" I called. They all appeared and came downstairs. "I'm going now!"  
I gave them each a hug.  
"I'll miss you mommy!" Casey whined.  
"Casey, do not whine! I'll miss you all too, but you must behave for the new mother, okay?" They nodded mutely.  
I kissed Kevin on the cheek and departed.

* * *

**Kevin POV**  
I buttoned up my shirt. I was in some motel, I didn't bother to remember the name, it was a different one each Saturday we met up. I would leave the Hopkins house, and wait down the road, and then she would make an excuse and come meet me.  
"Aw do you really have to go?" Kylie Hopkins purred seductively as she walked up to me with a dressing gown on. "Jamie can look after the boys for a while longer,"  
I sighed as I ran a hand through my hair.  
"Baby, you know I want to! But I've gotta pick up my daughter from her dance class." she pouted prettily.  
"How bout five more minutes?" she says making my face meet hers. I frown.  
"No! I need to pick up Casey! And then I need to help Leanne get ready to leave for Wife Swap!" Kylie scowls, hastily pulling on her maroon V-neck sweater shirt and blue skinny jeans.  
"Why do you _always _put her first?" she demands angrily.  
"Kylie she's my daughter!" I retort just as angrily.  
"Not her you idiot! That bitch Leanne!" I winced.  
"I do love her Kylie," I said softly.  
"If you love her why have we been having sex for nine months?" I couldn't answer that.  
"Look Kylie, she's my wife! She might be a cold heartless bitch sometimes, she might drag me to church, wear ugly clothes, and we might never sleep together anymore, but I still love her."  
"You should leave her!"  
"Kylie I can't!"  
"Why not? We could get custody of the kids! Say she has a drinking problem! We could be together!"  
"I love her!"  
"Then why are you doing this to us?" Kylie whimpered.  
"This was only meant to be a fling!" I protested.  
"Well I guess this means more to me than you! Have you ever considered I might have fallen in love with you?"  
I stared dumbstruck.  
"I'm not just some whore who spreads her legs to everyone like people assume I am! I do have feelings!" She picked her coat up and stormed out.  
After a moment I follow her.  
"Kylie wait!" I touched her shoulder lightly.  
"What?" she spat. I sighed.  
"You haven't got a ride home," she glared at me.  
"Go to hell Kevin!" she stormed off. "I'll get a cab!"  
I groan and get into my car. I remembered when mine and Kylie's affair started.  
I was a plumber you see, working for a big company, and it turned out Kylie needed the pipes fixing. I asked the boss if I could handle that. I'd had a little crush on her since she and her family moved into our town the month previously. She had a son in my twin boys year. I didn't expect anything to happen, I didn't want anything to happen. Leanne and I never spent time alone together and we were drifting apart, but I still loved her. Anyway, I went over to the Hopkins house. Kylie was there alone. She greeted me in just her bra and underwear. I was speechless.  
_Flashback  
I knocked hesitantly on the door. It opened and my jaw dropped. Kylie Hopkins was standing there, practically naked.  
"Hello!" she laughed lightly. "I'm Kylie Hopkins. You're Kevin Marsh right? The twins dad?" I nodded mutely. "My son thinks your boys are so fun!" she laughs again.  
I stay there shocked.  
"Well? Are you going to come in? It's chilly out here!"  
I walk in slowly.  
"So do you want to see the sink?"  
"W-what?"  
"The sink!" she said confused. "You know, the reason you're here!"  
"Oh! Right! Yes!" She lead me into the kitchen.  
"Do you want a drink?"  
"Uh,a coffee thanks. Black." I got to work, and within three minutes I'd unclogged the drains.  
"Oh you're done? Do you want to stay for your coffee?"  
"Uh s-s-sure!" I'm lead into the living room and sit down with my coffee. She sits down in the armchair opposite me.  
"If-if you don't mind me asking, why are you dressed like that?" I motioned to her. She laughed.__  
"You like it? I heard you were coming, so I thought I'd make an extra special effort to dress up! What do you think?"  
"Y-you look very nice." I mumbled.  
"Good, you see Kevin, I know you like me. I see you watching me when we're at the school, and to be honest I like you too."  
I was taken aback by her forwardness.  
"So how bout you and me have a little fun ey?" she winked at me.  
"B-but you're married! I-I'm married!"  
"They're not here are they!" She walked over to me, and pressed her lips against me.  
End flashback  
_I'd felt guilty. I couldn't look Jamie Hopkins or Leanne in the eyes for days. We'd spiralled on since then. To be honest, I loved her too, I just never thought she could love me back. I pull up at the Hopkins house. Jack and Derek are playing outside with Jamie and Andrew.  
"Hey boys." I smile grimly.  
"Hi dad!" they say in unison.  
"Hey Kev," Jamie waves at me.  
"Hey Jamie. I'd love to stay and chat, but we're in a rush so..."  
"Okay, you go! Bye boys! See you next week!"  
The boys waved as they got in the car and we sped towards the dance studio as I saw a cab pull up in front of the house.  
I saw Casey dance for the last five minutes. I was so proud of her. She was really talented.  
"Hi daddy!" she squeals as we climb in the car. "Hey Jack! Hi Derek!"  
The boys mumbled hi as we listened Casey complaining about a girl in her class. We pulled up in front of our house and I spotted Tommy's car.  
We walk in to the house and Casey hugs her mother. They talk about ballet and I interject something about Casey being a star. I rolled my eyes when Leanne tells the boys off for something utterly pointless.  
"So how was it?" Leanne asks. I look at her scared. I was thinking of Kylie.  
"What?"  
"You know! The drinks with your friends!" I relaxed.  
"Oh right! Um, yes! They-they were fine!"  
"Are you packed?"  
"Yes I'm ready!"  
"Should I drive you?" She rambles on about being independent and I smile slightly.  
She calls the kids down and says goodbye to them before kissing my cheek and leaving for two weeks.

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry if you guys thought there was too much Marsh's. But they each have such complex personalities that I want to explore! Next chapter is where the drama really begins. I'm going to change the characters in this story to Esme, Carlisle and OC, because that's what it is lol! Chapter five should be up soon.**

**Lexie x**


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